We each have these critical moments that we reach in our lives. Fortunately, for some, it really happens sometime sooner than later. For others...it takes years upon years to reach that place. But we all reach that place. We all come to the point where we know, deep inside the midst of our hearts, that things must change. This wish for change is like nothing you've experienced before. There's a different type of energy to it. There is a different feeling to it altogether.
You have to do the most scary thing there is - face your most vicious nightmare...yourself.
My moment showed up in late 2011 and it wasn't by choice. I remember standing in that apartment, hearing words that I wouldn't forget, and literally watching myself from above crumble. I modified everything about myself in that minute. I compromised. I did anything and everything I could. In the end, I'll always remember that deep burning feeling of turning to ashes. It really wasn't just the moment that did it, no, that was just the match. It was the entire stacking up of dry leaves and hay from years and years of neglect...and that tiny match was everything in took to spark something that would redefine me from that moment on.
That was only the beginning, 7 days later, it reached its lowest point. Definitely dead rock bottom. I made a request to the heavens in that wretched black dark room, it was not granted, and I woke up the following day looking at a crumbled landscape...with the knowledge that I could rebuild my complete world the way that I wanted it.
But I would face myself.
More importantly, I would need to burn everything down that I ever supported myself with. I would have to find out how to support myself for once, to not blame everything on others, to be accountable for my whole entire life, and to ultimately let everything that was locked up and caged in me out. It had to all come out.
You see, when you build walls to keep things out, you also build walls to keep the amazing things in you from ever reaching anybody. Love was walled in...hurt was walled out. Discomfort was kept away from me...joy remained hidden covered under the dust. I ran from fear...so my certainty and grounding evaded my life like the plague. I had to tear everything down. I had to tear my ego down. I had to tear down my projections. I had to rip apart everything and start over 100% fresh.
I did that. I started writing. I started being fair about what was going on with me. I built everything back, stone by stone on a different foundation. My spine and my heart would be the dense iron place from which I would create.
What I realized on the way was this - those places you are afraid to go, here's where your nightmare lives. It crawls around in that space. It's this thick dark oozing type of agony which will frighten you to death. It frightens you because it makes you think that if you go there you'll get caught in it and drown. The actuality is, that's where your strength is. There's unthinkable amounts of strength in going there. Just as there is strength in great faith and light, there's equal amounts of strength in going to that place that ravishes your heart with fear...and yet when you go through those places you develop this type of belief in yourself that truly is beyond confidence. It's the sort of feeling that you know that everything around you might be destroyed, and you most definitely could build it all back no matter the situation.
Power.
Actual power.
"Take from me everything world, and I will come back and build it back better...and no matter how you challenge me...I may continue to shine. "
Face your worst nightmare. Face your fears. You don't have to be afraid to let everything go for the great opportunity to build it back better. Need love in your life? You are going to have to let go of everything on the opposite end that has been hindering you. You are going to have to dive deep ...down into the depths of your soul, lantern in hand, without the conquering sharp blade. No armor. No weapon. No type of effort to rise above all of it.
You should go in defenseless and vulnerable.
You can come out. You may cry, suffer, and hurt...but you will surely come out. I truly would never tell you to go anywhere that you could not come out of. I promise you, this is the one place you should go for everything to release. To build something new, to begin to live the grandest journey you could really ever live...you have to go here. The shadows. The depths. The darkness.
I can assure you...this place, is where life really begins.
You have to do the most scary thing there is - face your most vicious nightmare...yourself.
My moment showed up in late 2011 and it wasn't by choice. I remember standing in that apartment, hearing words that I wouldn't forget, and literally watching myself from above crumble. I modified everything about myself in that minute. I compromised. I did anything and everything I could. In the end, I'll always remember that deep burning feeling of turning to ashes. It really wasn't just the moment that did it, no, that was just the match. It was the entire stacking up of dry leaves and hay from years and years of neglect...and that tiny match was everything in took to spark something that would redefine me from that moment on.
That was only the beginning, 7 days later, it reached its lowest point. Definitely dead rock bottom. I made a request to the heavens in that wretched black dark room, it was not granted, and I woke up the following day looking at a crumbled landscape...with the knowledge that I could rebuild my complete world the way that I wanted it.
But I would face myself.
More importantly, I would need to burn everything down that I ever supported myself with. I would have to find out how to support myself for once, to not blame everything on others, to be accountable for my whole entire life, and to ultimately let everything that was locked up and caged in me out. It had to all come out.
You see, when you build walls to keep things out, you also build walls to keep the amazing things in you from ever reaching anybody. Love was walled in...hurt was walled out. Discomfort was kept away from me...joy remained hidden covered under the dust. I ran from fear...so my certainty and grounding evaded my life like the plague. I had to tear everything down. I had to tear my ego down. I had to tear down my projections. I had to rip apart everything and start over 100% fresh.
I did that. I started writing. I started being fair about what was going on with me. I built everything back, stone by stone on a different foundation. My spine and my heart would be the dense iron place from which I would create.
What I realized on the way was this - those places you are afraid to go, here's where your nightmare lives. It crawls around in that space. It's this thick dark oozing type of agony which will frighten you to death. It frightens you because it makes you think that if you go there you'll get caught in it and drown. The actuality is, that's where your strength is. There's unthinkable amounts of strength in going there. Just as there is strength in great faith and light, there's equal amounts of strength in going to that place that ravishes your heart with fear...and yet when you go through those places you develop this type of belief in yourself that truly is beyond confidence. It's the sort of feeling that you know that everything around you might be destroyed, and you most definitely could build it all back no matter the situation.
Power.
Actual power.
"Take from me everything world, and I will come back and build it back better...and no matter how you challenge me...I may continue to shine. "
Face your worst nightmare. Face your fears. You don't have to be afraid to let everything go for the great opportunity to build it back better. Need love in your life? You are going to have to let go of everything on the opposite end that has been hindering you. You are going to have to dive deep ...down into the depths of your soul, lantern in hand, without the conquering sharp blade. No armor. No weapon. No type of effort to rise above all of it.
You should go in defenseless and vulnerable.
You can come out. You may cry, suffer, and hurt...but you will surely come out. I truly would never tell you to go anywhere that you could not come out of. I promise you, this is the one place you should go for everything to release. To build something new, to begin to live the grandest journey you could really ever live...you have to go here. The shadows. The depths. The darkness.
I can assure you...this place, is where life really begins.
About the Author:
Evan Sanders is the author of The Words Of Encouragement, a website dedicated to bringing the best quotes, motivational content on the web, and blogs all to one place. Need some more motivation and encouragement to keep moving forward? Dig into these life is too short quotes for a little bit of perspective on why you should drag yourself out of the darkness.
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