Identifying And Dealing With Codependency

By Edna Booker


There are certain people that do not have any self worth and they usually rely on others to give them a sense of identity. A codependent relationship like this is very unhealthy as it often involves the person ignoring their own mental, emotional and physical needs in order to please and gain the approval of others. Codependency is often hard to identify and treat as there is usually denial involved.

In a healthy relationship, boundaries are important. Codependents usually have a problem with boundaries. Their boundaries may be blurred and they will often go to great lengths to fix others and feel an unnatural responsibility for their problems and feelings. They go out of their way to please but will also control and manipulate others to get what they need. They may also have rigid boundaries that do not allow others to see what they are feeling or allow them to feel close.

True communication is usually absent in such a situation. The codependent person cannot afford to be honest for fear of rejection or abandonment. They need others to help them feel secure and so they will often give their partners support without thinking about their own feelings. They find their self-worth in taking care of others and pleasing them.

They will often remain in an abusive relationship because they are so afraid of being alone. They will end up supporting addiction, self-destructive behavior and immaturity because they are3 too fearful to address it. They have such low self-esteem that they are trapped in the relationship. As a result they experience shame, anger, resentment, despair and depression.

In such a relationship, a partner will often cater to the anxiety of the codependent person. They delude themselves into thinking they are helping but they may just be reinforcing the negative behavior patterns. To repair such a relationship, it is important to set boundaries and for each person to find happiness as an individual.

Codependents are often in denial and so the first step towards healing may be recognition of the problem. They need to realize that they are creating their own problems rather than blaming it on the situation or the partner. It is often very difficult for them to reach out for help because they feel shame and fear.

There are many internet sites today dedicated to dealing with this problem. They help a sufferer to identify the problem by giving all the different symptoms. There are different levels of severity and the sooner some people receive help, the more likely they are to address the problem effectively and save their relationships.

In order to save such a relationship, it is necessary to establish boundaries and work on the self worth of both individuals. Professionals with experience in this area are available to offer guidance and support. This is often far better than trying to go it alone as these changes can be hard to make. However, there is hope of recovery and getting help can result in developing a more healthy relationship.




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